My Dearest Ella Lorine,

 

The gift that you provided our family even though for such a very short period of time, only reinforced further our family’s view that life is just that, a gift, with a time sensitive dimension so hard to accept, let alone fully comprehend.  At the moment of your conception you became a part of us.  You were family, family till the end of your time on earth and family forever.  Surrounded by caring and loving people you joined us, and then in a blink of an eye said goodbye.  But you will always shed a comet’s lasting light, imploring us to seek what is right and demanding that we fight what is not.  You were, you are, you will always be a part of our family’s strength.

 

Your mother was as resolute as any women I have ever known or came to know through my study and love of American or European history.  She cried, she smiled, she wondered, she imagined and she wavered, only to find a strength coming from you Ella Lorine to continue a fight that was surely going to be lost some time soon.  As she continued this journey with you Ella Lorine, she sometimes encountered daily unpredictable obstacles and surprises.  However, somehow she always found the inner strength to go on, when going on seemed so futile and so, so sad.  Your constant reminders of being with her, an elbow here, a kick and sometimes two there, reminded her that yes, indeed with the help of you and your family, her friends and God, this journey would be embarked upon, resulting in your birth, and hopefully a period of time that God would permit us to be together.  For this I am most appreciative.

 

The night of your passing will always remain with me.  Julie held you with the tenderness of a mother who so sorely missed your warm exhaled breath.  As she slept, I watched the love flow from her hands with a gentle touch only a mother could provide a child in need of comforting.  I asked God how could this be?  Why do I feel so helpless?  What can be done?  The answers to these questions will hopefully find resolution within me someday.

 

Your big brother Brian doesn’t really know what is happening to us right now, but someday he surely will.  He was there with you, gave you a pat pat on the head and helped me wash your baby soft skin, as he told me in his words, how beautiful you are.  He will come to know you Ella Lorine, although in a way most people can’t become familiar with someone.  It’s my promise to you, that he will come and visit often, reciting a prayer that will help him find a road map to heaven, so he may play with his younger sister in the company of angels.

 

So rest peacefully dear daughter, watch out for all the children of the world, and smile upon us in a way we might understand.  Embrace all that left us before we were willing to accept their leaving, and welcome all those to come with a tender pat pat on their head.

 

Forever,

 

Daddy